Possibilities and Choices

It's been two years since I found myself facing huge life changes that were completely out of the blue, unexpected and caused me to challenge every belief I held. Nothing was as it appeared, the truth was a complete lie and everything I found security and safety in, wasn't real.  Every moment of every day was a struggle to find my purpose to merely breathe for nearly a year.

I struggled that first year and quite honestly, I don't remember most of it.  I was in a fog and just went through the motions of day to day existence.  How could I have not known? How did I fall for the outright lies?  Wasn't there SOMETHING that I missed?  

Looking back, yes, there was.  I missed a lot.  I refused to follow my instincts, my intuition and I was terrified of losing what I thought I had if I dared question or confront my suspicions.  Here I was, thinking I was a strong woman who stood up for herself, yet I was too afraid of making waves or being perceived as distrustful.  My only strength was in how strong I fought my own gut feelings. But I accept responsibility for having made the choice to do just that.  I chose my circumstances by giving my fear a voice and continued being accepting, compliant, and bound in exchange for what the perceived payoff was - love, financial security, a home, a partner, a plan.

I know that everything I am is a result of choices I have made, good, bad or indifferent.  I haven't been wrong or right, I have just made decisions that led down one road or the other. Its what we all do every day in exchange for a perceived payoff or benefit.  We make choices to allow ourselves to be in cicumstances or situations that either support or object to our goals, dreams.... our possibility.  

I have made choices to participate in activities relationships that have allowed me to be blissfully distracted from what I tell myself  I want from life.  I come up with ideas and plans and dreams of what I want my life to be, then I proceed to make the same decisions again and again, somehow thinking the result will be diffrent.  I have allowed myself to settle into complacency and familiarity because of the perceived payoff.  They always exist, and they aren't usually useful or beneficial.

The choices I am making now are placing me on the road of endless possibilities for me.  I am choosing to put myself first.  I'm choosing to shed relationships that are distracting and limiting rather than supportive and fulfilling.  I am choosing to remove the limits I have imposed on myself - doubt, fear, insecurity - and replace them with confidence, knowledge, and an uwavering trust in my own instincts, knowledge and capacity.

By doing this, I have seen an unmistakable and powerful shift in myself.  There's something undeniably different in my thinking, my feelings, and absolutely in my choices recently.  I am not putting others' needs or wants ahead of mine anymore.  I have raised my standards of acceptance.  I am no longer settling for "good enough for now," since I've learned that those things merely take up space that would otherwise be open for what belongs in that space.  Its time for me to take back my life.

Along with this shift, I am back in touch with my incredible power and strength.  I've always known there is a certain something about me that people immediately notice.  Its something I apparently radiate unknowingly, yet leaves a strong impression.  It attracts both men and women to me continually, and not always with positive results.  Fortunately, I am now making choices to allow or not allow those who want to be in my space so that I can limit the negative, increase the positive and use my power for my own potential.  

I have a newfound understanding of the phrase "The possibilities are endless!"